in which i dispense relationship advice

Part of my job is informally giving advice to people. I try to limit the advice to things like which font to use, the correct usage of its and it's, and the deep mysteries of Photoshop. But sometimes, I find myself dispensing relationship advice. So much so, it's become a running joke in my office that I should have a 'The Doctor Is In' sign.

The advice all tends to follow a pattern, which I explained, at length, to amandarin this afternoon:

Me: here's how to shut them all up. here's the secret.
amandarin: Yes?
Me: tell them they need to talk to a professional therapist.
Me: if they still persist in talking, tell them DTMFA.
Me: if they STILL won't shut up, enumerate all their partner's flaws.
Me: they will immediately leap to their partner's defense, no matter how violently they'd been complaining about them 3 seconds ago, and stomp off in a huff.
Me: done and done.
amandarin: God you're good.
Me: i have just had a METRIC FUCK-TON of practice with this.

Read the rest of relationship advice secrets, here.

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