When I was a kid, everything was dangerous.

Everything.

Tonka trucks... Do you even remember Tonka trucks?

Apparently, Tonka roughly translates to "you're gonna need a freakin' tetanus shot after this".

Those friggin' trucks were jagged, rusty metal covered in yellow, lead-based paint.

And they were awesome.

If some kid in your class was missing a finger, you could be damned sure it was because of a Tonka truck.

And GI Joe. GI Joe taught a generation of children that the fastest way to solve any problem was an orchestrated military response.

Also, that the army makes a regular habit of employing Ninjas.

That's a life lesson right there.

And everything came with little parts that just begged to be swallowed.

Some GI Joe figures came with nothing but a crate of random, tiny plastic firearms.

Two days later, you'd have three left.

Along with an intestinal blockage.

An awesome one.

Even the doctor would tell you how cool it was that your intestine was now fortified with a battery of M-16s.

Do you see shit like that today?

Of course not.

I'm trying to not guffaw, and failing. Thanks, A.!

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