Last night, coming home from my best friend's house, about a block away from my place, I spot a squad car, driving very slowly. Hrm. I turn the corner, and see five squad cars, a fire truck, and an ambulance outside my house.
One of the new frat boy neighbors was threatening to kill himself, and was busy doing a runner through the back yards of the neighborhood. The police were on foot trying to catch frat boy and convince him to not kill himself; the paramedics were waiting to take him to the hospital and 5150 his ass.
Dog was unamused by all this, and was just not having any of it, so you can imagine the FUBAR of vehicles, men, and dog, as the police were racing around the yards and hopping fences. I was able to put her inside, but then went back out to wait with the paramedics. As my best friend said, when he heard the story:
Crazy man: "I'm going to kill myself!"
Police: "Don't kill yourself, we don't want to do the paperwork!"
Dog: "Don't kill yourself! Let the dog do it!"
They caught him about half an hour after I got home, and i could finally get inside my house. There was much speculation about what drugs this guy was on. While on one hand, it wasn't too terrible hanging out with the firefighter paramedics, I was tired, and wanted to go to bed.
Dog was on edge all night, barking at the tiniest of things. And of course, it wasn't her 'hey!' bark, which only wakes me up briefly; it was her 'DIE!' bark, which gets me out of bed, weapon in hand, and down my stairs before I know what's happening.
Dog: 'DIE! Hey, wake up! Come kill the intruder with me!'
Me, groggily: 'The mighty intruder... is that bird flying overhead?'
Dog: 'It could be the red trucks disguised as a bird! Or the blue men! Or the black-and-white cars the blue men come in! Let me out so I can kill them!'
Me: 'There is NO ONE out there now! No birds, no blue men, no trucks, no cars.'
Dog: 'Hrmpf. If you say so. But I think you're on crack.'
96 minutes later:
Dog: 'DIE! Wake up! Now! They're back!'
Me: 'Nothing is out there. Really.'
Dog: 'I can kill nothing! I'll take it down! Just watch me!'
Me: 'I'm the alpha, and I say to shut up. You're not going outside. This could be a pack of one, you know.'
Dog: 'Alright, I'm sorry. Don't kill me.'
43 minutes later:
Dog: 'DIE! The blue men are back again!'
Me: 'That's stray dryer lint. How can you even hear that?'
Dog: 'I'm a dog, remember?'
Me: 'If you don't shut up about lint floating through the air, I'm going to Benadryl your ass to sleep tonight.'
Dog: 'Sorry about that. I'll go to sleep now, shall I?'
As you might imagine, I'm very drained from repeated surges of adrenaline coursing through my body, all night. There had better be NO bullshit here at Saltmine U. today, because I am Not In The Mood.