It's been a busy few weeks. To give you an idea of what life's been like, let's take a look at today, shall we? My day so far has consisted of:
- The Twice-Annual Report of Ultimate Suffering going to bed
- The paper for the Twice-Annual Report of Ultimate Suffering going missing
- The binding for the Twice-Annual Report of Ultimate Suffering also going missing
- Four proofs that needed to be sent out today
- Flogging of minions
- Minions flogging the printer
- Discovering that the event I'm going to tonight has a dress code, which I do not currently meet
- Searching for a store close to my office that carries clothing in my size which might have a chance of being flattering
- Going to lunch
- Only being able to eat half my lunch
- Printing and binding the Twice-Annual Report of Ultimate Suffering myself in case the printer flakes
- A fire drill in my office. For all 18 floors.
- And discovering, of course, a typo in the Twice-Annual Report of Ultimate Suffering after it's been sent out.
Do you have any idea what it's like to go shopping for anything fancy when you are a large woman? It's like the gods of fashion spoke, and they said, 'Lo, go forth and make dresses that look like couches.'
And the designers replied, 'Yea, verily, and we shall add horizontal stripes.'
'In colors not fit for any human,' the junior fashion designers added.
And the malicious gods of fashion smiled and called it good.
At least there will be alcohol at this event.